So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
