The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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