Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
