No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
