I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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