EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
