Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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