i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Found your dick twin last night
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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