They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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