So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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