I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just saw a hot homeless man
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
