The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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