"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
