Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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