I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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