Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
