my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
