Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
