Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
