Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
