like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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