Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I need to calm my uterus...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize