I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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