I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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