Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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