While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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