i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
