He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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