she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
