Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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