Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
