are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
