you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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