I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
