White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
