I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
