Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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