I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
