Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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