I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
When did angry sex become our thing?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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