her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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