Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize