they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
