Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
