Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
