i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
