I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
