good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Randomize
