It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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