I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
