Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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