at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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