what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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