I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
