I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
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