mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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