i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
