and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
