i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
