well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
