Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
