I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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