Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
