oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
