haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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