Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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