The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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