She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
