you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
