What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
