I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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