Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
