Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
