i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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