brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
