Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
