happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
