I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
