So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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