So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
