I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Hippo gnu deer
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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