yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
