god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
