I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
