We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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