You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Sext me about skeletons
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
