had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize