Already got asked if we're dating
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My bed smells like the plague
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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