I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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