every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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